Because silence was helping no one -
Not the women suffering at work -
And not the leaders accidentally discriminating.
Ten years ago, I had an early miscarriage.
Traumatising.
My manager at the time said -
“Take all the time you need.”
But every word came with a contradiction:
➔ “Take time” → but can you check your emails?
➔ “We support you” → but where’s the handover?
➔ “We care” → but you’re making things difficult.
It took me years to realise -
The problem wasn’t just the miscarriage.
It was how leadership handled it.
Now I work with leadership teams every week.
And I see the same pattern again and again.
As a leader, you don’t know how to handle grief, trauma, or long-term sickness.
You want to support your employee -
but you're terrified of getting it wrong.
So you avoid it.
Or you overcompensate.
Or worse... you try to move the person on quietly.
And it almost always backfires.
I’ve seen managers unintentionally discriminate by:
↳ Letting someone “off the hook” on performance without documenting why
↳ Avoiding conversations that could’ve revealed a disability or sex-based health condition
↳ Failing to apply the Equality Act because “we were just trying to be nice”.
Here’s what you should be doing instead:
1️⃣ Have a real conversation - and document it
2️⃣ Ask if health or personal factors are impacting performance (carefully)
3️⃣ Don’t guess what’s fair - get advice
4️⃣ Use structured capability or attendance processes, even when you feel awkward
5️⃣ Don’t delay. Every missed conversation leaves a trail in tribunal.
What would your team say you did if they had to tell the tribunal tomorrow?
And more importantly… would it hold up?
👋🏽 𝗛𝗶, 𝗜’𝗺 𝗧𝗶𝗻𝗮, 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝗛𝗥 𝗛𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁.
𝗪𝗲’𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗛𝗥 𝗵𝗼𝘁𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀, 𝘁𝗼𝗼.
𝗪𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝘅 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗛𝗥 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗹𝗱𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴.
𝗠𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗱 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽—𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻 𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲.
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Founder of HR Habitat, award winner of "Best HR & Employment Law Consultancy, 2024" title. As featured in BBC Oline, BBC Asian Network Radio, Telegraph & more.
